Entertainment Weekly’s Donkey List Of Best & Worst Reality Shows & 1,000 Clicks Per List Combo Rant – Win A T-Shirt!

Entertainment Weekly shoved out another ridiculous list today, and I’ve had enough of these “big” sites and their hopeless lists.  The only thing worse than the lists is the fact that you have to click to the next item in all these fool things.  Hey look, 20 page views!  We rock!  Seriously, you’re EW (or TV Guide, or MSN, or everyone else on earth) and you’re jacking up your page views on nonsense like that?  Way to go.  How about time on site?  click-click-click-click-click-click… 20 page views… time on site… 14 seconds.  Hooray for you.

Okay, mostly done there.

So, anyway, there I am checking through my feeds today, and here comes the title, “Reality TV: 20 Best Shows Ever.”  Now, given what I’ve been forced to go through recently, and the fact that it put me in a near panic to the extent that I reposted a review of Frontier House, I had to check that out.

Here we go EW, hit me with some good reality television.

Number 20 – Flavor of Love

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Son of a bitch.

See, here’s where that one item per page dumbass trick bites you in the ass, because I can’t just scan down a bit and find some sort of saving grace to unbaffle me.  I might forget about this in a hurry and move on, and by the time I was done it could almost be as if it never happened.  But no, I’m just stuck blinking at Flavor of Love.  And, really, I’m stuck.  Do I dare go on?  WTF?  I’m trapped into giving EW yet another 19 further page views, because how can I stop now?  How, I ask you, can I let a list (any list) that includes the words “Best” and “Television” go on forever in my brain with the only existing member of the set being Flavor of Love!

Going on through this hit parade will move you along thusly -

19 – Jon & Kate Plus 8

18 – The Apprentice

17 – Deadliest Catch

Now, I tentatively started breathing again at this point.  Jon & Kate… fine.  I have to watch The Apprentice in much the same way I have to slow down at traffic accidents… everyone else is doing it, so I sort of have to.  Deadliest Catch is not absolutely my cup of tea, but it’s at least a pretty interesting theory of reality television.  So, maybe EW isn’t completely lost.

16 – Blind Date

See, this one didn’t have the sudden shock to it that Flavor of Love managed, because at first all I could think was, “What the hell is Blind Date?”  I had to actually read the tiny paragraph blurb associated with the image list in order to refresh my memory.  You know, it’s that show where people are set up and have pop-up bubbles displaying humorous thoughts.

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Ummm… sorry Trump, it was close.

Now I was just zipping through the list to get it over with.  Blind Date?  Pull the other one, it’s got bells on.  But… wait for it…

15 – Big Brother

14 – The Hills

13 – The Real Housewives Of…

12 – Bands on the Run

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WTF is Bands on the Run?!?  Even with the blurb, I have no idea what this show is.  But, I do know that someone hooked up with a groupie in a bathroom.

11 – The Bachelor

10 – America’s Next Top Model

9 – Project Greenlight

8 – Top Chef

7 – Jackass

What you have to love about this is that I know there were tons of Top Chef fans out there who had a little split second of, “Yes! 8 Baby! This list ain’t so bad! 8!”  And then, WHAM!!!

6 – American Idol

Dude!  Look at how close that was!!!  American Freakin Idol is like one more ripped off nipple away from being BEHIND Jackass!!!

5 – The Real World

4 – Project Runway

3 – The Osbournes

You think I’m making this up, don’t you?

2 – The Amazing Race

1 – Survivor

I can hardly see the sense in making fun of Entertainment Weekly anymore if they’re going to put this out on their own.  You could clearly go a lot of ways with this list, and you’ve got your favorite on there somewhere, so you feel okay… but, what the hell is this order?

So, NOW… I’ve go this thing telling me they have a list of the worst reality shows ever!  I almost pulled a muscle trying to get to that as fast as I could!  Not only did I just have to know what could make it on that list, but I was already plotting how I was going to manage to watch them all!  Imagine the insane depths of just barely humanity that must be among the worst shows!  If The Osbournes is the third best, what could be third worst!

WORST

10 – Skating with Celebrities

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Seriously, I was instantly torn in two directions here.  One, it reminded me that Dancing with the Stars wasn’t on the best list.  Now, I’m not a big fan, but WTF?  There’s some band show I never heard of on that damn list, and no Dancing?  Two, I loved that show!  Are you kidding me?  It was all minor celebs, and some of them could hardly skate, and even if they could they were all clumsy and gangly.  Wow.

9 – Boy Meets Boy

Yeah… uhhh… gonna give you that one actually.

8 – Kill Reality

I never heard of this one, but if the blurb can be believed I don’t understand the shift in criteria which put this as a worst and Flavor of Love as a best.

7 – Cheaters

Are you high?  You’re giving “so bad it’s good” style pimpage to things on the best list, but this is among the worst?

6 – Dancing with the Stars & American Idol - results shows

The results shows… of these shows… are included as being among the worst ever reality shows.  Did someone not getting a freakin memo or something?  What the hell does this mean?

5 – The Anna Nicole Show

Now, a joke’s a joke, but I call bullshit on this one.  The blurb basically doesn’t like the fact that the whole point of the show was that we were making fun of her and, apparently, her “troubledness.”  I’ll give you that this is a wicked PC move, because aren’t you all cool not liking the show, but what genre of television do you think you are listing up here for God’s sake?

4 – Who Want to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?

3 – Are You Hot?: The Search for America’s Sexiest People

Oh, come on.  How safe is the pick that no one watched. Might as well pick that one-and-done Celebrity Talent whatever the hell it was.

2 – Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

1 - The Swan

Those are the lists.  Good luck Entertainment Weekly.  Ok, The Swan was horrible, but you still watched it.

Please leave a comment and tell me what the best reality show ever is, especially if it isn’t on Entertainment Weekly‘s list.  I can’t believe they didn’t even have a token 1900 House, or something.  Throw me a bone with a best list for crying out loud.

What did they miss?

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