Fall TV Schedule ’09-’10 – CBS Is Boring, NBC Rethinks Primetime, ABC Reboots, And Fox Rocks – With What To Watch Picks

It’s time for the rundown of the next season of television. All the networks are going through some changes, some even playing with the very notion of primetime. Let’s take a look.

CBS

CBS (the only people putting out television shows who refuse to acknowledge me as press… so the hell with them) makes few claims about itself, apart from focusing on the fact that they are the number one network. Sure, if you’re number one, you’re going to say so, but it might have more to do with the plethora of rejected buzzbites. Solidifying ourselves as the network for old, boring people who can’t watch enough crime shows – but with Two and a Half Men! didn’t go over so well with marketing.

Success has not spurred a desire to make a lot of changes over at CBS, and the new lineup doesn’t change things around very dramatically.

Monday

8 p.m. How I met Your Mother

8:30 p.m. Accidentally on Purpose
9 p.m. Two and a Half Men
9:30 p.m. The Big Bang Theory
10 p.m. CSI: Miami

CBS‘s major effort toward having a few younger people know they exist, Monday night has a couple of solid shows. The only thing new here is Accidentally on Purpose, a show starring Jenna Elfman as a movie critic. The show kicks off with single Billie (Elfman’s character) discovering she’s pregnant. Despite the pregnancy being the result of a fling with a much younger man, Billie decides to keep not only the baby, but the father as well. They live together platonically, and hilarity theoretically ensues. It may do well as a result of being sandwiched between solid-performing, similar comdedies, but we’ll have to see where the show thinks it can go after a few episodes.

Tuesday

8 p.m. NCIS
9 p.m. NCIS: LA
10 p.m. The Good Wife

Two new shows round out the Tuesday night slow ride to lapsing into a coma. If you didn’t get enough NCIS, it’s followed by its own spinoff (which is just a goofy thing to do), and newcomer The Good Wife. NCIS: LA is just NCIS, but with Chris O’Donnell and L.L. Cool J… ummm, whatever boss. The Good Wife stars Julianna Margulies as a wife and mother whose politician husband is involved in a sex scandal and political corruption scandal (it’s never just one is it?), and lands in jail. She’s now forced to go back to work as a defense attorney after 13 years away from the workforce, and face the challenges of working and dealing with the humiliation her husband brought down on her. I nodded off twice writing that paragraph.

Wednesday

8 p.m. The New Adventures of Old Christine
8:30 p.m. Gary Unmarried
9 p.m. Criminal Minds
10 p.m. CSI: NY

A couple of decent shows, and more crime drama!

Thursday

8 p.m. Survivor
9 p.m. CSI
10 p.m. The Mentalist

More Survivor, more crime drama, and the only really good show on CBS, The Mentalist.

Friday

8 p.m. Ghost Whisperer
9 p.m. Medium
10 p.m. Numbers

Friday is “lil bit kooky day,” at CBS, and yes, that’s Medium on the schedule at CBS. NBC let the show go, and CBS screamed, started convulsing, and nearly fell out of its chair. Are you high?!? That’s a weird, boring show that old people like! Dibs!

Saturday

8 p.m. Crime drama repeat
9 p.m. Crime drama repeat
10 p.m. 48 Hour Mystery

Because they are nothing if not unimaginative and consistent, CBS has actually slotted two hours in its schedule of, “I don’t know, but it’ll be crime drama! What network do you think you’re talking to here!”

Sunday

7 p.m. 60 Minutes
8 p.m. The Amazing Race
9 p.m. Three Rivers
10 p.m. Cold Case

Here’s a new show for you. Three Rivers has a really long synopsis. It starts out like this – It is “a medical drama that goes inside the emotionally complex lives of organ donors, the recipients and the surgeons at the preeminent transplant hospital in the country where every moment counts.” It actually goes on for longer than you’d believe, but I was done before that sentence was.

NBC

NBC has either gone completely off the deep end, or they’re geniuses, and I’m not sure which it is. I can’t imagine what The Jay Leno Show is going to do, except I suppose it fills in as a backup plan. If you happen not to be in the loop, NBC is basically rethinking primetime altogether, and will air The Jay Leno Show five nights a week at 10:00pm est. This is a tricky schedule, and it is really hard to know what’s going to happen. Suppose a show is tanking, what do you do? Ditch a show, and that’s half your lineup.

MONDAY

Pictured: Billy Lush as Bailey, Anastasia Griffith as Nancy, Cliff Curtis as "Rabbit", Aimee Garcia as Marisa, Kevin Rankin as Tyler, Derek Luke as Boone -- NBC Photo: Mitchell Haaseth

8-9 p.m. – “Heroes”
9-10 p.m. - “TRAUMA”
10-11 p.m. – “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

Good luck with Heroes. It’s a fair enough show, but I don’t know that people seem to be sticking with it. TRAUMA is basically EMERGENCY!, but without the guts to say so. It’s a medical drama that supposedly has a lot of whiz-bang, and takes place out in the field.

TUESDAY

8-10 p.m. – “The Biggest Loser” (two-hour edition)
10-11 p.m. – “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

That’s pretty all or nothing you betcha.

WEDNESDAY

8-9 p.m. – “PARENTHOOD”
9-10 p.m. – “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”
10-11 p.m. – “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

Parenthood is theoretically a reworking of the popular movie, or at least its general scheme, but it’s hard to put your finger on where it’s going to go. Put together by Ron Howard, and a lot of big (or at least respectable) TV names, we seem to have a lot of people working on the show with experience that leans far to the serious. We’ve also put together a very large ensemble cast sure to cause everyone to say, “Hey, it’s that guy (or girl) from uhh… what’s he from again… tip of my tongue.” Well, and Maura Tierney. It’s Brothers and Sisters meets Seventh Heaven with a little bit of… no, I don’t know what it is. It’s a bizarre mix of actors and creators though.

THURSDAY

COMMUNITY -- Pilot -- Pictured: (l-r) Yvette Nicole Brown as Shirley, Danny Pudi as Abed, Gillian Jacobs as Britta, Joe McHale as Jeff, Alison Brie as Annie, Chevy Chase as Pierce, Donald Glover as Troy -- NBC Photo: Paul Drinkwater

8- 8:30 p.m. – “SNL WEEKEND UPDATE THURSDAY” (multi-episode run)
8:30-9 p.m. – “Parks and Recreation”
9- 9:30 p.m. – “The Office”
9:30-10 p.m. – “COMMUNITY” (moves to Thursdays 8-8:30 p.m. after multi-episode run “30 Rock”returns)
10-11 p.m. – “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

Weekend Update seems to be doing well, though I’m not sure about taking it on so seriously. I can’t really get behind Parks and Rec either. The show does make me laugh, but I’m not sure I feel good about that. The clone of The Office leads into itself, and that’s probably a fair move. Community could become a strong show if it can get some early momentum.

FRIDAY

8-9 p.m. – “Law & Order”
9-10 p.m. – “Southland”
10-11 p.m. – “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

Oh joy. Law & Order won’t die. Thanks a lot people.

SATURDAY

8-9 p.m. – “Dateline NBC”
9-10 p.m. – “TRAUMA” (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. – “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (encore broadcast)

We’re so hot for Saturday, and primetime in general, that we’re putting shows on again. You don’t watch TV on Saturday, and we don’t care.

SUNDAY

7- 8:20 p.m. “Football Night in America”
8:20-11 p.m. “NBC Sunday Night Football”

ABC

ABC has a plan, and that plan is to more or less chuck the whole shebang and start over. Sure, some of your bigger deals are coming back, but ABC has a slew of new offerings. They really let me down by passing on The Unusuals, which is a great show that’s really full of potential. Ah well.

MONDAY:

8:00 p.m. Dancing with the Stars (two-hours)

10:00 p.m. Castle

It doesn’t seem like any network is going to give up on their reality names, and ABC is no different. At least, Castle gets to keep its lead, and therefore hopefully some of its audience.

TUESDAY:

(ABC/ADAM LARKEY)

8:00 p.m. Shark Tank

9:00 p.m. Dancing with the Stars the Results Show

10:00 p.m. The Forgotten

Here’s one for to file in the “About damn time” category. For years I’ve been asking why the hell we don’t have a version of Dragon’s Den. The UK and Canada have had these shows going for quite a while, and they are really fun. We apparently have our answer, and it’s the long-running dispute over the name… I guess. So, it’s Shark Tank here, and I guess the investors are sharks instead of dragons. If you don’t know, the show brings inventors (and otherwise people who have some great idea or small business) to… well, the tank I guess, to pitch their products and/or themselves to a group of investors in the hopes of securing financing. The… ugh… Sharks are putting up their own money if a deal is made. I really love this show, and at least two of the Sharks are former Dragons.

The Forgotten is yet another crime drama, and our cute quirk here is that the cases all involve unidentified corpses. Huzzah.

WEDNESDAY:

(ABC/KEVIN FOLEY)

8:00 p.m. “Hank”

8:30 p.m. “The Middle”

9:00 p.m. “Modern Family”

9:30 p.m. Cougar Town”

10:00 p.m.“Eastwick”

Reboot the whole day! Theoretically, I suppose, we let them fight it out until we decide which slot gets offed for the return of Lost.

Hank stars Kelsey Grammer as some manner of corporate bigwig who loses his job, and now finds himself having to spend time with his family, which is a new concept for him. Hilarity ensues.

The Middle and Modern Family look like messes. One is a sitcom about a family in nowhere USA, and… something funny happens I suppose. The other is a sitcom about three different families playing on the “families come in all shapes and sizes nowadays” theme. Yawn.

Cougar Town stars Courtney Cox as a recently divorced mom… who is hot… go.

Eastwick really is a show based on The Witches of Eastwick… what more do you want to know?

THURSDAY:

(ABC/BOB D'AMICO)

8:00 p.m. Flash Forward

9:00 p.m. Grey’s Anatomy

10:00 p.m. Private Practice

Flash Forward is a really nutty premise starring people with funny stances. There’s something about knowing the future, and what would you do if you knew your own future, and whatever.

FRIDAY:

8:00 p.m. Supernanny

9:00 p.m. Ugly Betty

10:00 p.m. 20/20

Eh… I like Supernanny. I don’t like Ugly Betty.

SATURDAY:

8:00 p.m. Saturday Night College Football

I can give up on Saturday better than you sucker!

SUNDAY:

7:00 p.m. America’s Funniest Home Videos

8:00 p.m. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

9:00 p.m. Desperate Housewives

10:00 p.m. Brothers & Sisters

FOX

FOX Chairman Peter Rice said on Monday that FOX has been the #1 network for the last five years… but, didn’t say, “So screw you CBS.” Well, whatever, everyone claims to be number one, and you’ve got to read the fine print to see what that means exactly. FOX is a crazy network, with odd and awesome shows, and some garbage.

MONDAY

8:00-9:00 PM HOUSE

9:00-10:00 PM LIE TO ME

That’s a night that works pretty well for me right there.

TUESDAY

8:00-10:00 PM SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE Performance Show

I just don’t want to hear that mind-numbing woman screech anymore, is that so wrong?

WEDNESDAY

GLEE: Members of the McKinley High School Glee Club perform in a special preview episode of GLEE airing Tuesday, May 19 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. Pictured L-R: Jenna Ushkowitz, Cory Monteith, Amber Riley, Lea Michele and Chris Colfer. 2009 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Carin Baer/FOX

8:00-9:00 PM SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE Results Show

9:00-10:00 PM GLEE

If you missed last night’s trip into the bizarrely awesome world of Glee, don’t let it happen again.

THURSDAY

8:00-9:00 PM BONES

9:00-10:00 PM FRINGE

They’re back, and… apparently people watch these shows.

FRIDAY

8:00-8:30 PM BROTHERS

8:30-9:00 PM ‘TIL DEATH

9:00-10:00 PM DOLLHOUSE

Brothers is a show about an ex-NFL star who comes home to live with his mother and get his life straight. Sounds familiar-ish.

SATURDAY

8:00-8:30 PM COPS

8:30-9:00 PM COPS

9:00-10:00 PM AMERICA’S MOST WANTED

11:00 PM-Midnight THE WANDA SYKES SHOW (working title)

Midnight-12:30 AM ANIMATION DOMINATION ENCORES

Cops. Seriously.