The Fashion Show – Bravo Takes Another Shot… Discovers Something Jamming Barrel

I wanted to get another episode under my belt before I had a go at Bravo's attempt at replacing Project Runway.  To tell the truth, I wasn't sure at first if there was some gag I wasn't hip to, and I didn't want to out jump myself.  The first episode of The Fashion Show resulted in several small companies producing Runway parodies to scream in frustration.  Months of work and upwards of several hundred dollars were suddenly meaningless.

Pictured: (l-r) Reco, Johnny, Havon -- Bravo Photo: Virginia Sherwood

The cast of misfits, who clearly skipped straight over from their rejection at Runway, amazingly trumps the troops of misfits we've grown accustomed to for pure unwatchability.  While the fashion industry is apparently populated to a large degree by wild, and outrageous characters, purportedly a result of their creativity oozing out of them, The Fashion Show has several 'characters' who lead me to believe they get up every morning and put on their nutjob suit on the theory that people expect it.  Somewhere along the line, the fashion industry ran wild with that riddle about the town with two barbers, and it somehow became an actual claim toward your talent as a designer to say, "Look how ridiculously I am dressed!"

Worse still, the resulting designs of that initial venture were, for the most part, the half-assedest things you've ever seen put out by a group of people who all have their own clothing line.  Sadly, though there are some educational credits floating around, the majority of these candidates have their own line as their major claim to legitimate candidacy.  In the case of this group, I'm not sure it's a claim that really surpasses my own... if you give me half-an-hour and a Bedazzler.

Let's meet our contestants - "resumes" from Bravo's website.

Laura -

"Before establishing her own line, Laura graduated from the University of Cincinnati’s College of Design, Architecture, Art and Planning, then worked for Donna Karan’s Urban Zen and As Four."

I love that "worked for" bit.  Is that similar to "worked for The GAP," because maybe I could try out for the show.

Angel -

"Her namesake collection led her company to receive the Ecco Domani Fashion Foundation Award, the Cartier Women's Initiative Award, as well as extensive coverage in Vogue, Elle, WWD,and other magazines."

This one sounds pretty good actually.  Why are you here?

Anna -

"After graduating from the Rhode Island School of Design, Anna moved to New York City and launched her own knitwear line, "Annabelle NYC." She currently teaches Fashion Merchandising."

This one's tricky, because Anna isn't so bad.  This is an odd one though.  No work credits apparently, and jumped right to launching knitwear.  That did so well that she can teach?

Daniella -

"After completing a BFA with Honors from London College of Fashion, Daniella worked with industry greats such as Luca Luca, Les Chiffoniers, Alexander McQueen."

"worked with" oy.  I'd like to know what they have to say about that.

Pictured: Merlin -- Bravo Photo: Mitchell Haaseth

Merlin -

"After attending architecture school in his home country Honduras, Merlin became head designer of his own label. Celebrity clients include Paula Abdul, N' Sync, Paris Hilton, and Marilyn Manson."

Merlin is my favorite, because I swear to God he keeps standing like that.  I can't get past this wording though.  Became head designer of his own label?  What the hell does that mean?  Why did he not just - start his own label?  I can't get over the suspicion that he started his own label and very nearly did NOT become the head designer.  He's so purposely odd that somehow that rings true to me, despite not knowing what it could mean.

Reco - 

"Approaching his tenth year as a freelance designer, Reco owns the studio 423 Clothing Boutique of Chattanooga and is the creative director of "The House of Chapple," his own lifestyle line."

I'm not sure what this is trying to tell me on so many levels.

Andrew - 

"Having conquered the world of designer underwear, Andrew started his own brand, "Andrew Christian" in 1997."

"Uuhhhyeaat... I conquered the world of designer underwear." ???  Let me tell you right now, if I conquer the world of designer underwear, it'll be one of my little conquered minions trying out for the knockoff reality show.

Markus -

"Markus graduated with a BA Honors in Fashion Design and Marketing from the Central Saint Martins College of Art and Design in London. He is currently the Fashion Director at Nolchamagazine, and working on his label, MARKUS KETTY."

Yes, and the percentage growth in "people who have now heard of Nolcha magazine" is incalculable (inquiries into "where can I pick me up some Nolcha magazine?" have led me to the conclusion that Nolcha is a magazine in much the same way this is... except with five other people working there).  The show's site goes on to remark about his impressive resume and commercial success, and deem him "already a winner in the fashion industry."  And... I'm thinking either that is just wildly untrue, or Markus is freakishly remarkable in his cunning attempts to keep me from knowing who he is (and is an idiot for being on the show).  Think I have to pick one of those.  Like, remember when Michael Kors became one of the judges on Project Runway completely by accident, because he actually just showed up wanting to be a contestant, and there was sort of a misunderstanding?

Sorry, I don't like Markus.

James-Paul -

"After finishing two Bachelor Degrees in women's wear, James-Paul worked for Vivienne Westwood, perfecting his "post-colonialist" approach to fabrication and silhouette."

I finished a Bachelor Degree in women's wear once.  Sorry, I just don't know what this one is talking about.

Keith - 

"After studying at The London College of Fashion, Keith went on to design for Perry Ellis and Ralph Lauren. He recently launched "Keith Lissner," a line of demi-couture evening wear."

I studied at The London College of Fashion once.  I mean, come on, what is that?  Was he actually enrolled or anything, or did he just bring a sandwich and a book to the campus?  "designed for"?  Not even worked with?  I mean hey, I designed a shirt for Ralph Lauren once.  I feel like this could easily be a reworking of his rapsheet.

Arrested for Disorderly Conduct at The London College of Fashion - peeping in windows.... Ummmm... "studied at"

Restraining order granted after Ralph Lauren receives 450 shirts in the mail with letters written in lipstick - "I designed these for you!"

Nah, I tease Keith becomes he's wicked fab.  And, I mean that in a very special Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds sort of fab way.

Kristin -

"After graduating from the Illinois Institute of Art, Kristin began "organiK Revolution," a line that specializes in eco-friendly apparel."

Yawn. Who hasn't graduated from the Illinois Institute of Art?  Whatever.  See how I put the K in "organic" there, isn't that hot?

Johnny -

"After attending the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising, Johnny R. developed private labels for Urban Outfitters, Arden B., and Macys, eventually creating his own collection, Grandma's Glock, a modern day streetwear line."

Pfff... I attended the Fashion Institute of...

Johnny is pretty well the king nutter of the show (I know, you'd think Merlin) with his unique sense of dressed-in-the-dark style and lil fob of sticking up hair.  Johnny, whose real name is Fantastimo, goes by the name Johnny just to piss of people like Merlin.

Haven -

"After attending the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising, Haven worked as a stylist on the Chelsea Lately Show."

That... that one's just sad man.

Lidia -

"After graduating from the Fashion Institute of Technology, she began working under Diane von Furstenberg and designed her own award-winning line for private clients."

Uhh... I think we've all gotten a look at what it takes to "work under" Diane von Furstenberg --- in umm, The City where you would need to be to do that.

Jonny -

"Jonny co-founded "The Compound," a North Hollywood artist colony, designed for Afroman Skateboards, and created his own fashion line, "Elmer Ave." He's worked with Alexander McQueen, as well as celebrity clients such as Tommy Lee and Panic! At the Disco."

Ummm... yeah, congrats on that dude.

Pictured: (l-r) Isaac Mizrahi, Kelly Rowland, Fern Mallis -- Bravo Photo: Mitchell Haaseth

The saddest part of the show is that it's such a deplorable ripoff.  The only differences to be found are that at the end there are a bunch of people around to see the fashions (because see, it's a Fashion Show, not just a Runway), and Isaac Mizrahi comes to check on things ala Tim Gunn, but he's absolutely devoid of interest in the rabble he's forced to be around, and clearly thinks most of what they do is an absolute joke.  He's looking at dresses, and saying, "Now, where are we going to go with this?" but he's gnashing his teeth while he's doing it, and clearly thinking, "10:45 brunch. 11:55 kill my agent. 12:05 work up something delicious for for Target... with like a blood spatter theme."

The Fashion Show is guaranteed to do fairly well.  Like any decent train wreck, it's hard to keep from looking, even though you know you shouldn't.   Your meta-desires are screaming at you, but you're all, "I know, but LOOK!"  And, like any show on Bravo, it's on fifteen times between now and Monday.  But, there's a reason the other networks aren't putting together, "America's Other Really Big Singing Competition," and only a small part of that reason is that we can hardly manage to find a handful of worthy participants for one.  We've also got things like - 

What does it mean to judge a "who is the least bad in the group" competition.

How stupid do we look when we are somehow endorsing these people as representatives of a "good at this" class of people?

Can we get another set of judges and hosts who are fairly watchable, can say interesting things, and/or at the very least "do no harm"?

Yes, it's all quite flash, but The Fashion Show manages to avoid the cellar of reality television only on the technicality that it's had a lot of money thrown at it.  It's brilliant in its comedic awfulness, but that's about the most interesting thing you can say about it.

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About Marc Eastman

Marc Eastman is the owner and operator of Are You Screening? and has been writing film reviews for over a decade, and several branches of the internet's film review world have seen his name. His reviews have brought him personal praise from the director of a major motion picture, and have been used as required reading in a course at a major University. These priceless rewards, along with just bags of cash, keep him from straying from freelance writing. He is also a member of The Broadcast Film Critics Association and The Broadcast Television Journalists Association.

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