Top Chef once had my support as, if nothing else, at least being one of the few reality shows that didn’t make me laugh at the “producer input” disclaimer at the end of the show. This season is quickly making an effort to throw that out the window.
The real beauty of Top Chef, for me, was that like Project Runway, these people aren’t going anywhere. That is, we don’t have to be worried about them having their own show, or anything along those lines. Earlier seasons of Top Chef made me very happy with choices that kept in line with this idea. “Really like this person, but this food sucks… This person’s a complete donkey, but hey, this is good food.” Now, we’re talking.
That in mind, can someone please tell me who this person is… I’m going to say, unduly influencing?
To misquote the somewhat misguided favorite iteration of Simon on American Idol, “This is a cooking competition.” Week one found us picking between this woman (fine, Ariane) who has decades of experience and her own restaurant, and a young guy who is still in culinary school. Ariane screwed up, for the love of God, cooking rice, and the other guy made something that according to the judges tasted okay, but wasn’t real creative. Ariane survives. What?
Week Two finds us down to Ariane, and Jill, who is 28 and an executive chef. Jill made a souffle with an Ostrich egg, which was rather complicated (involved cooking), but apparently wasn’t that good. Ariane put cherries in a glass with lemon meringue and alcohol, and managed something Padma spit out! Ariane survives. What? She didn’t even cook anything! She even claims this is something they do at her restaurant!
A lot of these reality competitions come down to choices that are beyond predictable just based on knowing who the producers are going to demand stay around for their rating influences, but so far Top Chef is pushing the limit on most ridiculous choices in reality history, and I can’t even figure out what Ariane’s draw might be. Why are we saving her?
Now, if we were keeping the guy from House around, that would make sense. I mean, I don’t know if he’s that great a cook yet, but if you’ve got dude from House on your show, that’s going to be worth some ratings. You can’t kick him off.
The choices force me to think of Next Food Network Star, even though they force me to think of it in odd ways. I just keep thinking that if they were looking for someone to host a show, maybe you could at least give them a break on taking other factors into consideration. But, they don’t even have that excuse. Even if they did, I’m not seeing the, “Ariane is so personable and camera-friendly,” angle to things.
Speaking of Next Food Network Star and choices, they claim to be taking applications for the next season, and the show has got to figure out how to pick winners. They abandoned the call in when it didn’t turn out great shows, but then they outgoofed themselves by choosing just as poorly.
Let me quickly throw out the fact that I like these cooking shows. There isn’t a good reason I can figure for it, but I do. I don’t, however, like non-competition cooking shows. One of the reasons I actually like Next Food Network Star is that I hope it might lead to a show I can actually watch.
This, for crying out loud, is not it.
Aaron McCargo Jr. was a trainwreck in front of the camera from the start, and the theory of his food is, “stuff you know how to make, made in ways you’ve seen before, but with a little Big Daddy logo on it.” He turns out one semi-decent performance for the finale and takes home the prize.
This is promptly whipped out by Food Network who want to capitalize before everyone forgets who he is, and the result is six episodes of, “Uhhh… this is like food or stuff,” borderline home video that no one cares about. But, Food Network thinks you’ll watch more, as a new season apparently comes out in January.
Now, on the other side of things.
From the show’s page on Food Network -
“The series exposes Adam to the world of little-known food jobs as he fearlessly puts his life – and mouth – on the line to try them all! Whether taking honey from three million bees, sculpting ice with a chain saw, foraging for truffles, or digging a wine cave, Adam will do anything in the name of food.”
It unfortunately doesn’t solve my problem of wanting to find a cooking show I can watch, but at least it’s a show I’m going to watch.
Now, I’ll give you Guy Fieri, who is apparently in Adam Gertler’s boat, because he doesn’t actually cook on television much, but hosts himself the hell out of some food shows.
But, do you remember this person?
Hell, no, you don’t. Host of six episodes of history’s most boring thing ever aired on television, the official story is that she decided not to return for a second season. It would normally irritate me that someone went on such a show, won, and then decided not to do the show, ruining the hopes of those who actually wanted a show, but I can’t find a way to argue with this show not being on anymore.
Curiously, she wasn’t even supposed to be in the running. Remember this guy? Jag was supposed to be one of the two America voted for, despite the fact that his cooking never seemed all that great. The judges apparently felt that he could really sell himself, and people would fall for him.
Of course, that’s because he hoodwinked them just as they hoped he would suck in audiences. He apparently misrepresented himself on many fronts, including his military service and culinary school attendance.
Are there no phones at Food Network?
What about this guy?
Are you kidding me with The Food Network? This guy shows up saying he worked for the Queen, the White House, and was personal chef to Zaphod Beeblebrox, and no one picks up a phone? Meanwhile, there’s 19 year old managers of McDonald’s all around the country thinking, “Yeah sure, you worked at Pizza Hut, we’ll see about that.”
Alright, so end of rant, more or less. I’m frankly not in love with anyone in this ragtag group –
– but, can we hope for a clue on kicking people off? I suppose I should have known what to expect when they kicked off the first person after an apple-peeling competition, but can it be about the food somewhat? Or, let’s say skill as a chef? Or, something?
Seriously, I want to watch a cooking competition if I’ve got this thing on… can “tried to make an ostrich egg souffle, but didn’t do it very well,” please trump, “tried to put crap in a glass, and made you spit it out.”
Is that a tough call?
Let me know where you stand.
Are You Screening?
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