20 Dumbest TV Shows… EW Is Clueless

Entertainment Weekly took upon themselves to give us a list of the 20 dumbest TV shows this week. See their list here.

The most bizarre part of that idea is that they are behind promoting many of the shows. They list Wipeout as number two, but a few weeks ago they told me to watch it. They largely admit to the problem of course, notice their entry when they list The Hills as one of the dumbest shows–

“We can’t fathom why these people are famous. We don’t understand why none of them can string two cogent thoughts together. And we really don’t know why we can’t change the channel when they’re on.”

Maybe I’m the one who doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but if you are making me a list of dumbest shows, don’t in the same breath tell me you can’t stop watching it.

That aside, the list is worthless. I mean, I’ll give you Hurl, but other than that the list is comprised of shows that aren’t on anymore, shows that aren’t actually that stupid, and The Hills.

They list Hole in the Wall, and Wipeout early in the list, but that’s just misunderstanding stupid television. A show that actually says, “Hey, this is a stupid show!” is not a stupid show. Except for Hurl. And, I Love Money? Come on. Everyone on both ends is making fun of those people. Making fun of stupid people isn’t stupid. At worst it’s being a political analyst, but it isn’t stupid.

So, here’s my list, and I’ll make it a quick rundown. And, these are in no particular order, because how could you care?

10. Real Housewives of wherever the hell they are now. Orange County, New York, whatever. A show about the infinitely useless that doesn’t quite know it’s supposed to be making of them. Because, don’t get me wrong, if it did, then it would be one of the best shows.

9. Big Brother. Well, tough. The show is about as stupid as can be, even theoretically, and watching a house full of rejects from other reality shows try and figure out which among them is the least worthless is as entertaining as watching grass grow. They don’t even get into decent fights like the last Real World that had legitimately insane people.

8. The Hills. This one I give EW as far as list inclusion, but when they tell me they can’t stop watching they lose credit. That I keep having to see these people is too much, but at least they show up on The Soup nearly every week.

7. Tabatha’s Salon Takeover. This is almost metastupidity. It’s like if Omarosa became popular, or something similarly ridiculous. Whoops.

6. Dancing with the Stars. The first two episodes of this show were great. After that, the whole thing is pure garbage. Those first two episodes, before they had any ratings, and when everyone involved knew it was a crap idea, and just went along not really giving a fig what happened. The host was clearly half in the bag, and the “Stars” were just there getting a quick paycheck, and laughing to themselves. Now, it’s nothing. It’s a bunch of uncoordinated goofs ballroom dancing, plus the three people they picked from the beginning as the only ones with any shot at winning.

5. 90210. Only a couple of shows in, and this thing is meaningless and insulting to everyone who might watch. It jumped the shark at exactly 23 minutes into the first episode, by which point I had seen everything the show was capable of ever doing.

4. America’s Got Talent. America actually does have some talent. It unfortunately has a lot of nutjobs who get on TV for a few minutes, but that’s the same game with American Idol, and everything else related. What America hasn’t got, apparently, is a judge. David Hasselhoff and Ozzy Osbourne’s wife are the decision makers in the talent competition? I wouldn’t even give you Ozzy himself, but his wife suddenly knows talent when she sees it? And, the world needs to see every clogging, tumbling doorknob that will show up to show off?

3. America’s Next Top Model. Tyra Banks, if I may misquote, suffers from the delusion that she is Tyra Banks, and there is no cure for that. I’d give you this show as a decent subject for your Psychology thesis, but as a show I can’t let you have it. The weird thing is, I don’t think Tyra was always as lost as she is now. And, I don’t think she had a stroke or anything, so apparently its just her life that’s gone to her head. When you’re visiting the VA, and the show happens to be on, and the guy rocking back and forth muttering, “I’m not a salad. I’m not a salad,” suddenly switches to, “God, she’s nuts. I’m not a salad. God, she’s nuts,” something has gone wrong.

2. The Tyra Banks Show. It’s like Top Model for intense Tyra loopiness, only squared… maybe cubed. Now, I don’t know who you might want to write to, but in case you missed it, this show won an Emmy. Specifically, and be careful here, Outstanding Informative Talk Show. Nevertheless, the braindead antics wind up on The Soup nearly every week. I absolutely defy you to watch three episodes of this show. Email me if you can still write when you’re done.

1. Paris Hilton’s My New BFF. That’s right, it’s not even on yet. Still, one of the dumbest shows on television right now. Easily.

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